Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
