After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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