So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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