we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
