Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
