is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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