So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
