Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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