My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
