legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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