youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
