It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do herpes really smell.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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