we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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