Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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