but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
