Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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