Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
