How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
