Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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