The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize