my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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