he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
