Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
