your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
