so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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