the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize