So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
