who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize