so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You made out with two different species that night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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