it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
