how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
