and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
