Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
