I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
