I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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