marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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