how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were destined to go to rehab together
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize