Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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