update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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