is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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