I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
