Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
