dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
