Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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