In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
