I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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