You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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