The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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