Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize