i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
