You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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