The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
