Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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