That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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