What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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