she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
