I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
