Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
