M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
