so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
