Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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