yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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