I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
