i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize