Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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