You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So squirting runs in the family.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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