There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
