I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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