If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
