He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
