i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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