just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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