There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
