Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
