youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
