I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize