my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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