Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
