how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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