quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
