I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
