Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I cannot find my penis.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
