Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
