he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize