Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
