We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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