i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
