i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
