We're facebook friends in real life
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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