god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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