Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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