There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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