I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
