So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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