in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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