no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
vagina is talking i cant
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
