You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is Oprah even human
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
