when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
