And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize