I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
