Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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